Currents of Faith: Open and Unfolding Reflections

I am  passionate about groups! I have some of my most fulfilling moments in groups. I love to facilitate groups. I think that groups are a setting where persons can have memorable experiences. I have fun in groups. I feel vibrant, free and alive. I gain new insights in groups. I consider groups a gold mine of opportunity to learn about living in community. Heightened feelings toward others can emerge in groups. I believe that people can have experiences in a group which are simply impossible alone.

On the other side of the coin I, and many others, have had bad experiences in groups. They can be boring, frustrating and angering. Groups can drive people away from an organization. Groups can produce conflicts which linger and resist resolution. Groups can give rise to “parking lot talk” where the real issues are aired rather than in the committee meeting just completed. Cartoons abound about how someone or something has “gone bad” and groups could be added to that list. I am saying that groups are a mixed bag. I realize that it is the transformed group that I love.

My theology has offered me a new vision of groups and has allowed me to see new dimensions of what occurs in a group. Theology calls me to give high value, true significance and deep reverence to groups. Groups deserve these accolades because of God’s presence there. When leading a group and I address a person, I know that God is there also luring, calling, and whispering to that person to become new and beautiful. I want to cooperate with God in that calling to that person.

But God’s desires are wider than one person. I know that they include not only that which is the highest possibility for a single member but also the highest for the group. As I have noted before, each invitation God offers is for the benefit of both the person and all creation. When I am facilitating a group I want to cooperate with God in calling forward  all those gathered.

God offers possibilities to a person that are relevant to where that person is located in that moment and that particular place, situation, setting, environment. The possibilities will focus both on the goals of the group and the relationships within that group, both content and process. I want to listen for intimations and glimmers of the divine potentials for both. The adage tells us, “out of the mouths of babes….” To me this means that one never knows from whom a fresh and creative proposal may come. Surprise and serendipity live in groups. Thus, I need to be sure that each person has opportunity to speak, again not knowing where a transforming idea will originate.

Not only is God present in each person, actively participating within his or her center of creativity, God is a web intertwined among all persons in the group and beyond the total group. Within, between, and beyond—God is intimately present. Through God every member of that group is a part of every other’s center of creativity. Others are not around or nearby, not seated by or across from a person but within that person “Bless be the tie that binds…” is true but does not probe deeply enough into that person’s being. Through God, we are in one another.

Whether or not persons recognize this divine presence, they are in relationship with every entity in the entire universe through God. The influence of God is greatly increased, of course, when persons do recognize their interconnectedness. When I address or listen to a person I know that he or she is a child of the universe, a person-in-community, a nexus in an expansive web of events. Insights and impulses may come to that person from any part of this vast universe. We are told that one may “see the universe in a grain of sand.” Not only in grains of sand but in persons, I say. I want to honor the possibilities from God’s whispering and those invitations from the universe. I cannot discount a speaker. Who knows the surprises he or she might bring      

I spoke of my counseling as pulling up a chair and seating myself in the circle of a person’s rich and diverse committee meetings. Groups are vastly more complex. I am really sitting in a circle with a number of people each of whom has committee meetings within. That sounds like circles within a circle, a geometric leap in terms of who may arise to speak. My theology says that groups are complex, rich, and exciting events offering much more potential than we often imagine. Groups deserve our attention, respect and caring.
 
I begin with what I had learned about groups both before and after I was introduced to my theology   I had studied group behavior in my graduate studies and during my career. I became credentialed as a group therapist. For a year I traveled weekly over the Cascade mountain pass to Seattle to study with Dr. Martin Haykin, a psychiatrist who specialized in Transactional Analysis. I facilitated group therapy sessions in my office for ten years. I had both academic training and personal experience in groups.

I really enjoyed the circles that J. L. Moreno would draw to describe the location and status of persons in a group. His “sociograms” showed who were the “star” and the “isolate.” Teachers were encouraged to use this technique to understand the dynamics of the classroom. I continue to appreciate the research of Robert Bales who diagramed all transactions between members of a group, drawing lines with arrows between persons speaking and responding. Transactions were classified as to their purpose, such as questioning, stating, clarifying, diverting, or supporting. Styles of participation by members would be known by the way they spoke. “Oh, yes, here is George again asking a question.” “There is Evelyn again offering support to another.” “Ronald is once again diverting attention to an irrelevant subject.” It was interesting to see the degree to which members spoke in a variety of ways rather than following one familiar track. From my studies of groups I knew about circles and arrows.

I learned how to carefully watch transactions and determine if they originated in the Parent, Adult, or Child ego-states of the speaker. This observation was helpful to distinguish from which part of a person was living most of the time as well as to see how his or her relationships may go awry. My task as a therapist was to help in transforming transactions from the more harmful Critical Parent and Rebellious Child to the Nurturing Parent and Playful Child.

Adrienne and I became licensed to teach Dr. Thomas Gordon’s “Parent Effectiveness Training.” There I saw the methods of Dr. Carl Rogers, which I had earlier embraced, adapted to the family. This method of conflict resolution called attention to the needs of each family member rather than the solutions to meet those needs, where most often the conflicts arose. Focusing upon needs became an important technique in my counseling. I knew that a particular need may be met in a variety of ways and could often release family members from their frozen stalemate. I enjoyed asking married partners or family members to join together in a positive and creative task to define needs and seek ways to meet those needs. It felt so much better to them than their engagement in arguments and blame.

I brought these understandings and experiences to my newer acquaintance with theology. I sought to integrate my past and my present. I will now share how I put this all together in leading groups in the church. I will also plead for others to engage more deeply in this task. Shining the light of theology on groups needs much more attention. I think that what I present is the “Model-T Ford.” If ever there was a place where a theology which offers a vision of God holding us in relationships with all creation is relevant, it is within its microcosm, persons gathered into groups. Now, stepping down from my soap box I will go on!

One of the questions we addressed, first in the Lay School and later in other classes, was, how can one be an effective participant in a group? Our answer, having gone through several revisions, follows:

GUIDELINES FOR COMMUNITY PARTICIPATION

1. We will listen to one another with interest and appreciation.

2. We will allow others to finish their thought without interruption.

3. We will speak from our own experiences by sharing that which “I think,” “I feel,” “I sense,” “I wonder,” or “I believe.”

4. We will speak in sentences or a short paragraph, being as brief as possible to make our point.

5. We will encourage dialogue between two persons and discussion among members of the community.

6. We will assume from the beginning that we are each unique and differ from one another.

7. We will honor the beliefs, viewpoints, opinions, feelings and values of others.

8. We will give special importance to diversity.

9. We will approach our study as seekers, knowing that no one person possesses the total truth or the final answer.

10. We will appreciate the varying ways which persons come to faith: scripture, tradition, reason, and experience.

11. We will be hospitable to one another, such that if persons were observing us they would exclaim, “See how they love one another!”

12. We will be sensitive to what is shared in the community and will not reveal identities of speakers or particular words spoken by an individual.

This covenant among members of a group was devised to set the stage for God’s possibilities to emerge from those gathered. A group following this design is open and welcoming to divine potentials. The guidelines were also one of the methods used in a class for people wishing to be group facilitators. For simplicity, I will call these people interns. After thinking about their past experiences leading groups, interns were asked to review and respond to each of the twelve guidelines. “How effective and successful have you been in each of the twelve areas?” They were given opportunity and space to write how well they had done: not well, fairly well, moderately well, quite well, very well.

This would lead interns to develop a contract for change, specifying the new actions they would take to improve those areas where they had been less effective. The task was to state a new positive step to take as an improvement. For example, if an intern had trouble letting a speaker finish a statement, the contract might be “After a person finishes speaking, I will count silently to three before I speak.”

Then the intern making the contract would covenant with others to help him or her in keeping the contract. Words of support and encouragement would be given when the leader in training would act in the new way following the contract. Likewise signs would be agreed upon by which others would signal when the leader reverted to the old way, not following the contract.

A more difficult exercise was to reflect on one’s past, especially childhood and youth, wondering when and where habits of speaking developed. We accepted as true that we all have learned to act and speak in certain ways to gain approval, enhance our selves, reduce fear and keep safe. We may have learned to talk at length to keep adults at arms length and avoid uncomfortable question. We may have not been heard by those important persons around us, so developed the habit of saying the same thing four different ways in hopes of finally being understood. We may have found that interrupting was the only way in a large family to get a word in edgewise. On the contrary, we may have quickly learned that silence is golden, the best route to safety. We may have felt responsible for others and developed a sense of personal failure when they were quiet, so filled that space with words.

To reflect on these origins allows an opening to consider whether the present circumstances are like those of the past and whether the speaking and listening habits created then are needed for affirmation and safety today. Usually the circumstances have changed but not the earlier behavior. The theory behind this inquiry is that change in behavior is most likely when one understands the need for its creation originally. One can learn to both respect the results of earlier committee meetings in his or her life while recognizing that those results are no longer relevant. Vows to change without this understanding often do not last.

Interns wishing greater skill in leading were given opportunity to experience leading a group. They would facilitate a group of other leaders in training and receive feedback on their methods, learning by doing. Using the basic concept of the sociogram one intern would agree to be a process observer, noting where the transactions occurred in the group session. Arrows were drawn by the observer to see who spoke most frequently and to whom. We noted where there were many and few transactions between participants. We found who did the talking and who remained quiet. We discussed these findings.

After a session interns completed a check-list on group process. They responded to the following items using these categories: very negative, negative, satisfactory, positive and very positive.

My Personal Sense of Well-Being

1. My energy level
2. My feeling toward others
3. My assessment of how I am relating to others
4. My own balance between speaking and listening
5. My experience of the opportunities available for me to speak

My Opinion of the Quality of the Group Activity

6. How well we as a group are achieving out goals
7. The balance between speaking and listening by others
8. How often others speak
9. The length of time each person speaks
10. The kind of questions being asked by others
11. The frequency that “I” statements are expressed
12. The willingness to take turns in speaking
13. The opportunity that persons have to finish their thought

My Feeling of Community

14. The cohesion and togetherness of the group
15. The “climate” or “spirit” of the group
16. Assuming that God feels with each person during our session, my intuition is that God did feel

Looking especially at the negative responses, interns were asked to develop positive proposals to enrich and improve the process of the group. Suggestions were welcome about actions and feelings which may not have been elicited by the sixteen brief items.
These regular reviews of the process would allow rich discussions and important changes in group life, avoiding the frequent problems of boredom and frustration which occur so often.

Thus far I have been focusing upon the internal workings of a group and the conditions which will increase the probability that God’s possibilities will be welcomed in that setting. It is important now to look at the group as an entity in itself. First I will pursue the various purposes of groups, then look at the variety of skills needed by leaders of groups. I stress the diversity because I have been a part of so many groups where the leader makes no distinctions about why the group has gathered. A group is a group, you do them all the same way. Such an approach leads us astray and does not show hospitality to God.

Why are we here? A multitude of answers spring forth:

Purposes of Groups

Making a Decision: reaching a consensus from several options

Creating Recommendations: planning the décor for the sanctuary for Easter or developing a design for a parking lot improvement

Developing a Plan, Program or Event: creating a Thanksgiving worship service

Sharing Information: offering an orientation class for prospective members

Solving a Problem: seeking a method to locate volunteer youth leaders

Resolving a Conflict: moderating the needs of an adult class and the choir for the same space on Sunday morning

Eliciting Ideas: brainstorming, letting the creativity roll without limits

Coordinating Schedules: knowing who will do what when

Studying Together: gaining and sharing knowledge about a given subject

Sharing Ideas and Feelings: discussing and clarifying feelings on a topic

Supporting Participants: empathizing with those who grieve a death or who have experienced loss through divorce

Developing Sensitivity: focusing on the here and now transactions of participants toward the goal of gaining awareness of and transforming one’s relating style

Fellowship: experiencing community and having fun

There are common themes in these groups with a variety of purposes and there are qualities of a facilitator which, like the themes, permeate all groups. I begin with the similarities in how one participates in and leads such groups. The qualities of facilitators we have identified follow:

A curiosity about and an interest in the lives of others

A capacity to listen carefully to others

A genuine desire to encourage and empower others

A willingness to be self-revealing about your life story and your vision of God

An empathy which allows “walking in the other’s world”

A comfort level with times of silence

An ability to speak in short statements

A desire to promote interaction in the community

An openness to, an honoring of, and an affirming of authenticity and diversity

Those are the similarities which I see, but there are differences. Skills differ with the purpose of the group. This means that certain skills are paramount in given groups. I have listed the skills in categories, each skill sometimes followed by a description and always by an illustration.

Listening Skills

Listening Actively: honoring and giving importance to views expressed; letting others know that they are heard    I hear you saying…It sounds as though you….

Reflecting Feelings: listening for and reflecting the emotions attached to the words spoken     You must really feel strongly about… Wow, you were really hurt….

Speaking Skills

Sending Messages: I-messages in contrast to You-messages   I own what I say    I think…I feel…I sense…I wonder…I believe….

Speaking Briefly: a few words, sentences or a short paragraph in contrast to a chapter        I hear you strongly wanting to leave this town….

Presenting: Sharing information, giving directions, describing the task      Today we will be….

Inquiring: requesting information without asking a question    I am interested in knowing more about that time in your life when….

Summarizing: So what you’ve been saying is…. So, the long and short of it is….

Clarifying: I gather from what you are saying that you mean…I take it that…
 
Re-stating: I wonder if you would be willing to say that again in more positive terms….

Requesting: Elaboration   It would help me if you expanded on….

Expressing Curiosity: I am curious about… I was wondering if….

Showing Interest: I am really intrigued by your feeling…I was fascinated by…

Asking a Question: Is there something you need from the group at this time?

Offering Impressions: I get the impression that… You seem upset today….

Transacting Skills

Proposing: I suggest that we hear from Claudia first, then go to Don

Containing: placing limits on the talking of a participant to promote balance among the contributions of all participants     I would like to hear from others at this point….

Watching for Transitions: certain words or phrases are the entry to speaking longer     And…ah…. And then…. But then…. Not only that but…. What’s more….   And that’s not all…. And get this….

Inviting Participation: I’ve noticed that you have not spoken today, Alex. I would be interested in knowing what you are experiencing…

Naming Differences: holding them as contrasts, affirming diversity, affirming the  richness of contrasts     Well, it is clear that two of you are different on that point….

Speaking of Process: It seems to me that the conversation has been between Jason and Trevor for some time.

Following Roberts Rules of Order: We need a second to the motion before we have discussion….

Affirming Skills

Affirming: Nicely done…. Super! well done…. I’m impressed with what you did….

Ordaining: empowering participants to do something    Take thee authority to….

Offering Encouragement: I believe that you can do it    I would like to see you try it…

Observing Skills

Observing Both Content and Process: what’s being said and who’s saying it       Three of you have been talking about abortion and, Wow, with strong feelings.

Accepting Silence: allowing silence to be a creative zone which may include summarizing, integration, simmering, bubbling, meditating    practice identifying the difference between participants speaking because they are uncomfortable and need to fill the silent void rather than speaking because they have something important to share. Let’s just let there be silence among us for a few moments.

Being Open to the Present Moment: Right now I get the feeling that we are all a bit tired…. Seems to me that we may be finished with that topic.

Clearly there is an array of skills. The challenge is to know which skills are most relevant to the purpose of a particular group. An interesting exercise would be to take a group, say one whose purpose is to solve a problem, then looking over the array, choose those five most important skills needed. I meditate before entering a group about who I need to be in this setting. I wonder how I might best elicit the authenticity of each person in the group as well as to be welcoming to the whisperings of God in those persons.

I have written more about groups in two publications: The Gift of Listening, Chalice Press, 1993 and with Adrienne Brizee, A Brief Guide to Group Facilitating, P&F Press, 2005.

Yes, I love groups. I delight in leading groups. I like to train others to facilitate groups. I think that one of the most rich and productive areas for theology is groups. Theory and practice meet in groups.